Saboteurs - The Negative Influence of Others

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SABOTEURS - THE NEGATIVE INFLUENCE OF OTHERS

If you're trying to lose weight, you must be mindful of the attitudes and behaviours of the people around you, whether they're your family, friends or co-workers. They may be very supportive which is a blessing, or they may sabotage your efforts and become a curse. Unfortunately there are always some people, for reasons of their own, that act in such a way that they lead to us failing in our attempts to control food intake.

Everyone deals with different situations involving a "saboteur.” For example:

1) At work a co-worker continually brings in unhealthy (but tasty) snacks, such as donuts.
2) Your spouse brings home potato chips, ice cream or chocolates, even though he or she might realize these are trigger foods for you.
3) A friend tells you not to diet because you will look too thin or gaunt.
4) Mom makes you your favorite meal and favorite pie and tells you that this one meal can't hurt you.
5) A relative or ‘friend' who hasn't seen you for some time makes a big fuss about your weight loss efforts in front of a crowd.

People who are trying to lose weight (or maintain their weight) must face these challenges all the time. Dealing with saboteurs becomes a real difficulty; especially if they're the people you thought would be the most supportive.

"Weight Loss Saboteurs” fall into four main categories: IGNORANCE, MEANNESS, GUILT, and JEALOUSY. There are people who simply don't like to see anyone else (specifically you) succeed. It might be jealousy, or it might be a result of the person's own guilty feelings about their weight-loss attempts. If you eat that snack they brought into work it will make them feel better; i.e. less threatened by your focus or success. Your spouse might be bringing snacks home as an act of kindness, but often he or she lacks the understanding that these should not be brought in the house because they are triggers. Also, we are in a culture in which love and caring are associated with food, so this may be why your mother/father/family bombard you with "special" food when you go to visit.

You must be aware of these weight loss saboteurs, and realize that they are showing inappropriate behaviors. Don't feel guilty; saboteurs are problematic so don't take ownership of their inappropriate behaviors. Try to recognize which category of sabotage they fall into so that you understand why they are doing what they are doing. If they are tempting to discourage you, be polite but firm in telling them not to repeat the same thing again, since it ‘temporarily' throws you off your goal. The more you resist, the more they will eventually learn to leave you alone.

Practice what you might tell another person who is tempting you or trying to discourage you. Practice how to be assertive. You might even write down what you might say should the situation happen again. For instance, tell your spouse that your weight loss efforts are going well and you feel great, and that they could really help you by not bringing those snacks into the house for a while.

Be prepared. Practice what you will say. Think about how you might feel if someone embarrasses you by commenting about your weight. (Tell them: "it's not a diet, I've just decided to improve my health.”)

It's hard enough dealing with your internal pressures to stay with a weight management program, let alone dealing with the pressure of others. Nevertheless, it is a fact that ‘diet' saboteurs do exist. Becoming more aware of people's actions and working on ways to combat difficult situations will help you make great strides in your long-term success.

You can do it. Always keep pushing forward on the road to healthier living!

Dr. Doug