When you feel like giving up, 'SURF'

(Inspired by an article in Good Housekeeping by M.J Ryan)

Cravings occur randomly. They creep up in one's head, and desire rises strongly. It has been shown, however, is that if we don't give in right away, if we just hang on for a bit, the desire passes. Scientists tell us that, on average, cravings attack four to seven times a day and last only seconds. So what we really need are strategies for those few seconds.

This echoes a crucial insight from Buddhism: thoughts and feelings rise and then pass away. You don't have to act on them; you don't have to push them away. They simply arrive, and at some point they disappear. The more we pay attention to the process of rising and passing, the less hooked we are by the content of our thoughts and feelings.

Addiction experts call this "urge surfing.” Urges behave like waves. They start small, build to a crest, then break up and dissolve. When you urge-surf, you ride the wave rather than fight it: as a result, you are less likely to be pulled in or wiped out.

As soon as you become aware of a strong sensation, rather than ignore or indulge it, you pay more attention to it. The idea is to recognize what you are experiencing without trying to change it.

This type of practice is useful not only for cravings but for any strong emotion: fear, sadness, anger, inertia, worry, despairs.

You want to make sure that your mind is in the driver's seat, or you will be driven off course. It takes a bit of bravery to turn toward rather than away from something that's appearing to torment you. But, the relief you'll experience will make it easier the next time.

One technique to use when you've slipped up in your resolve is something called the Four A's:

1. Assess the current situation

2. Adjust what needs to be done

3. "Admire yourself,” in the words of fitness guru Bob Greene, "for being strong enough to start again.”

4. Act quickly to implement your new course of action. Self-admiration helps you stay positive and avoid spiralling into negativity. Acknowledge your ability to get back on track, and feel empowered when you do. Acting quickly is also crucial. Otherwise, you'll lose the energy of your commitment and slide back into old behaviours.

It doesn't matter how many times you begin again. It only matters that you begin again.

You can do it. Hang in there. Don't ever give up.

Dr. Doug