Making Personal Goals is not just about Losing Weight

One of the many issues I run into when people are trying to lose weight and keep it off is that their primary goals have nothing to do with weight. Some people have plans to change aspects of their life only after they have lost weight. Often these changes have been put "on hold” until the weight loss is achieved. Examples include: changing jobs, taking up a new pastime, or leaving an unsatisfactory relationship. In general, we should be encouraging ourselves to work toward such goals at the same time as we are losing weight and becoming fit. They won't go away or get easier just because we have lost 20 or 50 pounds.

We should realize that weight loss on its own is not necessarily going to give us self-confidence. We need to work on our confidence independently of the weight loss journey. Similarly, one cannot think that they will have more courage and more confidence to, for example, end a relationship once weight loss is achieved. Certainly, we will feel better about ourselves with our efforts to lose weight and become fit, but we must work on other aspects of ourselves to be truly happy and self-confident.

I've seen so many people discover that after losing weight, life situations that they thought would change, really hadn't. They were in the same job, had the same boss, or were going home to the same toxic environment. They then start to eat again because the weight loss doesn't result in their original perceived happiness. These external, and frequently internal, factors had nothing to do with their weight. Often, there are other barriers involved, such as money or time. Still, if we feel that weight is the only barrier and we focus only on our shape or weight, we should be aware that we are not necessarily going to be happy.

If you wish to gain more self-confidence, then weight loss accompanied by self-help books/CD's or discussing your inner feelings with a counsellor, will bring you longer lasting happiness than losing weight alone. If you are having difficulty in a relationship, then getting counselling while you are losing weight is what is needed. Don't put this off. In fact, your negative environment may hold you back from losing weight and in turn, you will blame yourself for a lack of self-control. The truth is the external factors are the barrier.

I have read a couple of books by Dr. Maxwell Maltz (a plastic surgeon), who felt that despite correcting a person's severe facial scars, their new ‘pretty face' did not necessarily make them happy if their inner belief was one of ‘ugliness'. Life is about learning to like ourselves, no matter what. Daily, we will encounter many positive and many difficult situations or people (real or perceived). Through it all, we must learn to get rid of negative self-talk and learn to like every aspect of our being. I'm not talking about arrogance, simply acceptance - acceptance of all the small things like politeness, graciousness, helpfulness, caring, hard work, giving to others or helping your spouse, children or friends. To me, the measure of a person is their ability, under all circumstances, to have empathy and caring for others. None of these depend on how much one weighs.

Hold yourself tall. Walk with a smile on your face. Sit up straight in your chair and assume the posture of a confident person. Be confident in the lifestyle changes you are making and work towards not just feeling better with weight loss & fitness, but also with your inner self. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Just keep trying, and never give up on yourself.

Dr. Doug